Not my will but Yours be done

What a weekend we have had. If you've been keeping up with the blog you will remember that this was our all exciting, heavily anticipated court date, meet the parents and ultra sound with Momma B. As always we know there are no guarantees with adoption and pre adoption consent hearings, but at least it gives you a piece of mind that the mother is truly wanting to go through with the adoption. You'll also remember that although we have been working with Momma B since February she has only told her parents of her adoption plans just shy of 2 weeks. She and I spoke earlier in the week and made plans for lunch and both expressed our excitement about the day.

Well the hubs and I hit the road early to make it for court - we both had butterflies anticipating if she would actually show up. Well she did and the morning and court flew by and weren't nearly what we thought they would be. After lunch- without her mom :( - we headed over for the ultra sound. We were beyond amazed to see such a precious little one. We thought we would be crying but we laughed more and turned our heads from side to side trying to see what the nurse saw- eventually we started to make things out.

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon- we were out wandering around when we got a call from Momma B asking what we were doing and if we had a minute to chat- I hit the car speaker so the hubs could hear and we listened for what we hoped was great news. Instead we heard the words we had anticipated but never wanted to hear as she told us she had changed her mind and couldn't go through with the adoption. We pulled over in a parking lot and listened for about 30 minutes as she explained that she had visited her parents to talk about court and the ultra sound and her mom flipped out when the realization of her decision actually hit home. Remember, we always knew moms reaction was our wild card, but we were always reassured by Momma B (and her sister) that the parents would be supportive. We were hurt- but not shocked. I believe God had prepared our hearts for this about a month ago when I started to question a lot. Even this week after we ran into a hurdle about the amount of financial assistance we were giving her for the past 3 months I still felt... something( yes you have to pay expenses to the mom if they require it and our great state has no cap on that amount and the law protects the birth mother and not the adoptive parents). We listened and I refused to allow my voice to break or for her to hear any emotion- something in me wouldn't allow her that satisfaction. She apologized and said she would work to try to repay some of the money we had given her (some just the day before). We hung up, looked at each other and neither could find the words to say. This was our son that was no more, this was nearly $2000 that we would not get back, but more importantly this was Gods plan. The first words that filled our car in that silence were simple "well God just has a better plan for us"

We headed back to our hotel to freshen up and prepared to have our scheduled dinner with Momma J (trust me when I say our weekends are always packed when we make our visits). She was such a delight to see- she had been pretty sick and even hospitalized within the week (stop and say a sweet prayer for her) but was a trooper for still wanting to see us. She assured us that our sweet baby girl was still healthy and more active than ever. Her initial concern about choosing us was that we were already working with another mom so we felt it best to be open with her and tell her about Momma B's decision to change her mind. She was very understanding After great food, good music, and laughs galore we called it a night. She was so thoughtful to bring us ultra sound pictures and share her doctors plan to induce so we can be there.

Sunday was already planned to be eventful as we had purchased tickets to attended a fundraiser event for the non profit Adoption Rocks. We attended and were pleasantly surprised to meet so many families that had been affected by adoption. Our attorney was there and encouraged us to have lunch with yet another mom. We made contact and were now headed to our second "lunch" for the day with Momma T. She was so sweet and funny. She opened the conversation pretty direct by saying "the attorney showed me profiles a while ago and I looked at yours and instantly new I wanted you guys- I just didn't know until now that I could meet you" ( did you just get that chill too :)?! ) The hubs and I looked at each other and silently had a "moment" - she went on to say that she was 34 weeks- due June 4th and was having a little boy!!!! I sat in that booth in awe of how amazing my God is- not my will, but His will be done. Less than 24 hours before Momma B backed out on us and here we were with a mom that had picked us weeks ago to parent her son. We stayed about an hour and left feeling better than ever. The only thing I could say was "look at my God work"- what He has for you is for you, it's as simple as that.

With all of the events of this weekend- the highs and the lows we still stand rooted that our sweet heavenly Father is in control. Losing those $2000 is a big blow for us- but we're confident that God's will will prevail. Our attorney told me once to start thinking about our adoption process as a ministry and think of how God wants to use us in the lives of these young women- that is something I've thought of often this weekend. I'm certain there is and was a reason for us to work with Momma B and although its hard for us to see now- I know Gods sees and knows everything.

We are so thankful for your continued prayers and support- continue to keep us, Momma B, Momma J, and now Momma T lifted all along our Anderson Adventure.