Ever have those days when you could really stand to not have someone tell you something negative about yourself that you already know? Like the fact for me that I have gained weight. Why yes, I do realize that I have gained a bit of weight, but I also know that I have had 3 surgeries in the past 3 years, less than or about a year from one another- one of which was this February. I also understand that I can’t control the weight gain (the surgeon and endocrinologist have explained this to me) I also understand that I am trying with what I can to control it. So, with all that said, a simple “Why hello, you look nice today” would seem so much better than “what are you doing these days? I see you’ve gained a lot of weight” But she wasn’t the first and I'm sure she wont be the last, so I did what I always do- I smiled and carried on a short conversation before turning to walk away and again feel the shame and hurt that this weight has caused me.
However, something was different today- today I turned around and for a short second I did feel that hurt and shame, but this time, instead of allowing it to take control, I said something I should have been saying the entire time “God is still good! Thank you Jesus!” My devotional this morning was about this same thing simply praising God for the big and the small and being content with those things.
This is especially prudent for me today since this morning’s gift proves another round of Clomid will be in order. Could I have been sad, yes! Could I have cried and been heart broken, yes! Yes, yes, and yes to every possible emotion I could have felt today, but why.
Yes, I could have felt sorry for myself and I could have felt disappointed that my prayers had not prevented this relapse in time. I could have felt angry that yet another month would be withheld from nurturing my miracle. And I could have felt bad because I knew I may not handle it well. All I COULD have done was feel, letting my emotions spread out and lay claim over every aspect of my day, but why; When Gods promises are so abundant and real. Why allow the enemy to steal my joy? Why, allow the DELAY to claim DENIAL? “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.” John 14:1 (NLT)
All these things I could have felt this morning and after being told how fat I was- but MY God loves me and my extra pounds with a love unlike anything else. He is only building in me something so great, that I may not even be ready, and so His timing will prevail. So for that, I give Him the praise.
As we continue along our Anderson Adventure, we pray Gods will be done and His name be praised!
